Happy Birthday

Well hello there!

Been a while… A stupidly long while. I always apologise and promise to do more, but in all honesty life has just gotten in the way. And that’s really the topic tonight. 

I’m sat here, slowly watching the time move closer and closer to 1:59 am January 6th and I think life didn’t just get in the way, life might have robbed me a little. I want to believe that it is completely normal to not remember little things like the first time Jake smiled, or the first time he rolled over. I mean you list them and I’m likely to have the same answer – I cannot remember. 

The horrid bit though is that I was sure yesterday he was just two, maybe three. And he’s not. He’s an almost six year old. An almost six year old who has lived with his mother whilst she has gone through university, through bad relationships, through more hangovers than I’d care to admit, through seven house moves, about the same number in school changes and has come out of it clever, funny, full of energy and just wonderful. He is such a dramatic little person and I am not sure that’s all my doing. He loves to dance, to perform and to sing. I cannot sing. I mean I was banned from whistling that’s how bad I was. 

I have no patience what so ever. You can ask Mike and it gets worse when I’m tired or stressed or hungry. I am so bad at doing homework with him because children can be frustrating… And I am the one who would like him to go to grammar school. But I did give him Mike, who is a saint… Unless he’s playing FIFA 15.

The point is, life has become busy. And that is my fault. I got carried away with it, I forgot that I am a mother first, a partner second and everything else comes after. I let everything get on top and now I’m sat here moaning because my baby isn’t a baby. He is a young man. Who’s obsessed with football. Sometimes it does suck being the only girl in the house. 

So. This has become another thank you Jake. Thank you for putting up with me even though I have no patience. Even though I am so rubbish at playing with you unless its board games. Even though I hate football. Even though I shout a lot. I know I am frustrated a lot and stressed at the moment, and that it might seem like I don’t like to spend time with you. Actually, I love you. And not just because you’re my son, but because you keep me going. You are my constant goal in life. The thing that is always slightly out of reach. You make me work harder. You remind me that money, nice clothes, the latest car all of that is irrelevant. The only amazing thing in life is you. 

I cannot promise that as of today I will change into Mary Poppins. But I can promise you this; I will try to be more patient. I will try to have more of an imagination and play with you. I will try to dance with you more often. I will even try to like football. I will love you for ever. 

I may not remember the little things, but I know that you are my proudest and most wonderful life moment I will ever have. And that will include marrying daddy 😉

Happy Birthday Jakey xxxxxxxx

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